One of the things I hear most often from my female clients is that they don’t have enough time in the day to complete everything they want to do.
I usually ask them to tell me what they do in a typical day and then I ask them if they’ve said YES to anything that they really didn’t want to do. You would be amazed at how many times women agree to do things that they don’t want to do!
This blog focuses on something that many of us have a hard time doing … saying NO.
Let’s talk about the evolution of the word no and how it relates to us. As children, we never had a problem saying no. In fact, we EXCELLED at it!
How many times have you heard this?
Johnny – eat your vegetables please. NO!
Sally – share your toys with Ann. NO!
Katie – go give Aunt Ethel a kiss. NO!
To a child, NO is a complete sentence. There is no need to offer any other explanation. Can you image little Katie saying – No mom, I really don’t want to kiss Aunt Ethel. She smells like a brewery and has whiskers on her face longer than daddy!
However, something happens to us as we get older. We begin to feel obligated to say yes to everything and everyone! This happens for several reasons. First, we don’t want to *hurt anyone’s feelings* or disappoint them. God forbid someone isn’t happy with us!
Second, we feel guilty saying NO. For example, you’ve had a tough day at work, all you want to do is go home and relax. But, a co-worker asks you to attend a Realtor reception with her. What would your response be?
Third, we aren’t used to saying NO, so it feels uncomfortable and therefore, it’s just easier to say YES.
Now, I am not saying that we should all go around saying NO to everything and everyone, but my rule of thumb is this: If you start a sentence by saying, “Well, I guess I should…” – then you probably shouldn’t. That is a good indicator that you are doing it for the wrong reason.
Here’s what happens when we run around saying YES to everything. We spend a lot of our precious time and energy doing things that we don’t want to do, and have little left over to do the things we really want to do!
How do we become better at saying NO?
You set boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the imaginary lines we draw around ourselves that determine what people can and cannot do to us. For example, a boundary for you might be: My children can no longer expect me to be their personal taxi service. My mother-in-law can no longer drop by every Sunday after church (uninvited) and expect me to serve her lunch.
Remember, when you start saying NO to things you don’t want to do, you are actually saying YES to yourself. You are honoring, loving and respecting yourself enough to take control of your time, your energy and your actions. I challenge you to think about the things in your life that you are currently saying YES to doing, that you really don’t want to do.
Guest Blogger: Leah Turner
email: Leah@CreatingYourMasterpiece.com
website: CreatingYourMasterpiece.com
407.709.6816
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Once you learn to say NO it feels like a ton of bricks were taken off your shoulders. Great Stuff Leah!
Boy, did you hit the nail on the head here, Leah! Thank you — I needed that.